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X-Factor: Thank you for the Music?

The only TV program that makes me hide behind the couch is on right now - X-Factor.

I really cant stand this program, i feel sick watching it because the sheer awfulness of the contestants. Why do people insist on putting themselves in the public eye like this? Is it all about money or do these people actually believe they have something of worth to give to the world?

How many of these ’singers’ have real actual talent? Just because they sing in the shower, they have it in their head that they can perform in front of four judges, of which only one has the actual power to make them a star - The high-trousered arse Simon Cowell. If you actually believe Louie Walsh, Danni Minogue or Cheryl “1000 percent yeeaass” Cole have any say in the running of the show then you are sadly mistaken, and pretty gullible.

How many times should we as a nation stand this absolute balls on our TV screens? But if you really think you’ve got the ‘right stuff’, I’ve made up a simple checklist that you should use to ensure success.

1. You should be a skinny blonde girl with your rack out, or a 13yr old boy that “breaks” Cheryl Cole’s heart.

2. You should prepare a dramatic back story about how you gave mouth-to-mouth to your fish, but it just didn’t make it, then film it before your audition with a full ITV film crew (if you still believe this shite isn’t staged, you should just give up on life).

3. You should always, always say “please Simon, pleeease…i need this, my life is over if i don’t make it as a singer. I don’t know how to do anything else”. Honestly, please stop.

That should ensure you some degree of success, and don’t worry if you here Sigur Ros over the stereo just after your audition, just grab your coat you failure.

And who can forget our past winners? What everyones forgot them? ah well, such is life.

If I must watch this [shoots sideways glance at the missus] at least i can watch Simon smash some dreams, its the only redemming feature of a tired format that should have died, along with Big Brother about 3 years ago.

Tags: rant, Television, X-Factor

Smash Bros Brawl: Overrated

We all know what hype does, it builds and builds a product or idea until our brains are ready pop before it even lands on our shop shelves. well my friends, i generally try to avoid hype - especially in the gaming world.

It happened mildly with Halo 2, then subsequently 3, as Microsoft/Bungie tried to make the Master Chief synonymous with the word ‘gaming’. On every bus in the land was plastered ‘a hero never dies’, the same went for billboards, bus shelters and magazines. The result was a buzz that made the mole on Sarah Jessica Parker’s face seem insignificant - people started to believe in the hype, and if I’m being totally honest i was sucked into it as well.

Now we all know what happened next, yes it sold millions of copies to people who would probably have never picked the title up in the first place, but as a fan of the first one, and a bit gutted at the second, i had some pretty high hopes that the developers would do right, and not release a polished looking version of Halo 2…what they did? Shit.

Thats right, although the mass media thought it was groundbreaking, the gaming community were overall disappointed. Yes, i know the games magazines gave the game nines out of ten, but with a marketing budget that large, i think its fair to say people were bought off…

Now that I’ve set a back story for my gear grinding rant, i want to mention why I’ve titled this literary outburst “Smash Bros Brawl: Overrated”. Its quite simple really. When the game came out in Japan, people went daft fro it, proper excitement ensued, and natrually the hype-y band wagon came over here and was plastered all over the gaming mags (OK not to the same extent as Halo 3, but you couldn’t miss it) .

Now, although i have a history of manly games playing with my Xbox, and Playstation variations over the years, I’ve become (after buying one for the missus) a bit partial to the odd bit of Wii action. I’ve got Mario Kart, which is a nice nostalgic number, that although has its flaws avoids any flack from me. Smash Bros. Brawl on the other hand is a pile of crap. Its a painfully boring game, with each character (of whom only about 3 are worth playing as) have only a few limited moves. The story line is OK, but having to essentially repeat the same combat situation over and over and over again totally blows.

The characters themselves are terrible - picachoo: stupid rodent, completely unfun to play, and he’s yellow. Kirby: Pink thing, reminisent of a ballsac. there are others, but to be honest i don’t want to talk about it.

The main reason for this rant of sorts, is that I’m just plain fed up with over-hyping stuff. I understand the need for advertising, but when it becomes more important than the product itself, that surely can’t be a good thing. Maybe game developers need to remember why it is we play games.

Tags: Gaming, rant, wii, xbox